Another Lonely Sunday

Well its Sunday again and it seems like today is going slower than most days. I had a successful weekend of getting things done and selling a few things that I dont need anymore (extra money to help pay off the new dinning room table we bought!!) Things are going well to say the least on the home front but I am realizing more and more how lonely it is with out my hubby here.
I have friends that I can see and be around but I pick up my phone to send a text and end up putting it back down because I dont want to bother them or even leave the house- going grocery shopping was a tough one today!! I dont find a lot of things exciting right now at all and its hard to look forward to things coming up in the future.  I am having a hard time dealing with being overwhelmed with juggling work, child, housework, daily needs (grocery shopping, car maintenence). I know that this will pass and get easier but man I wish it would hurry up and get here already!!!!!
Sorry for the short one but i have to rush out the house to go to work :)

Been a while....

This morning I am finally getting a chance to write down my thoughts. Its been a busy almost two months since Tony has left us. My new job has me working 9-6 and then coming home rushing to make dinner for Hayden and get a few hours of snuggles and hanging out in before we both crash out before 9pm every night. It makes it very stressful- but I make it my goal to spend the whole weekend time with him so that he doesn't feel like he is being neglected- although if you knew him you would know that he doesn't act that way at all.
I have decided that Hayden is going to be my comedian child- he will repeatedly do things if I laugh at him the first time that he does it. This will prob make it hard for him in school if he continues to be a little clown- but we will face that battle when it comes to us. He is growing and growing and I cant believe how much changes are going on with him even in the small two months that have passed. He can now point out every part of his face and tummy if you ask them where they are- even puts his finger in his nose when you ask him where his nose is. He is so close to saying sentences but his main concern is "PUPPIES???" day in and day out he has to know where his puppies are and make sure they are okay. They really have formed a bond in his eyes- even hugs and kisses them when we walk in the door from being gone.
I am doing great- haven't pulled out my hair yet- am down to 135 pounds (which blows my mind) and have hit the goal of running the 5K in 28 minutes (9.2 min miles) so I am in great shape- maybe Tony should have left a long time ago *JKJKJKJKJKJKJKJK*.
I have been neglecting my camera and I am feeling awful about that part- I enjoy taking pictures and making birthday cards for family but haven't found the time to break them out at all- maybe I will make a point to do that this coming weekend.

DEPLOYMENT REALIZATION-
I have been spending more money with Tony gone- and I realized this yesterday when looking at the bank account and seeing CASH WITHDRAWAL CASH WITHDRAWAL- I am not spending a lot of money on things but defenitly noticing that I am filling my lonely void with buying things and pampering myself a little more than normal. I have a feeling that this is completely normal because I am here alone being a single mom with no time to do much during the week besides work eat and sleep. I know that things will all work out and be fine but man is that a tough one hahahahahaha.

All and all things have been about a 7 on a 10 scale- to be expected. Have had tough days where I sit in my car crying after taking Hayden to school and nights where I hold Hayden for hours after he has fallen asleep because I don't want to be alone. .......

No Contact

I know I have been pretty bad as far as keeping up with my photo journal and blogging. Its been pretty busy and the days are flying by *WHICH IS A GREAT THING*. I start my new Lead job on Friday which will make the days go by even faster since I start earlier and then go through the night routine with hayden (eat, bathe, jammies). I am a little nervous about starting the new job but I know that I will do fine as soon as I get the swing of things- oh yea and I have to get my CDL so I have been reading a  little every day on the school bus (WATCH OUT WORLD).

Hayden has been great- a little wild at times but thats to be expected. This weekend was great with only one or two Pull my hair out moments. Had Emily and Kallie over for movies and dinner Saturday (which was awesome!!!). Sunday was a little tough- we had our last SKYPE call with tony for a while (1. because he was hitting the ocean for a week 2. the internet on the Cleveland is quite non existent).  We got to text a little monday morning before they set out but the messages stopped around 10am- leaving me kind of empty feeling the rest of the day. I kept checking my phone on and off in hopes of a text (but in the back of my mind I realized that there wasnt going to be any text or calls). Monday night was very hard because I didnt get my good night and I love you that I am used to- guess I have been spoiled, and honestly thats one of the hardest things is not getting that simple sentence. (AND NOW I AM CRYING AS I TYPE).

Today has been a great day- was a rough night with hayden waking up at 3am and not going back to sleep till 5am but hey what can you do besides grin and bear it. Weighed myself this morning and I met my weight loss goal of 137!!! I honestly didnt think that I would ever get back to pre baby weight because my body has changed so much!!! Also went for our morning run and did amazing- ran 3 miles with a 10.4 min mile :) We are getting ready to run our next 5K April 9th so we have been pushing  pretty hard! SO PROUD OF US!! Having the routine of running in the morning really makes the rest of the day go by so fast :) because I dont have time to sit and dwell on the empty house.

I have learned to take it one day at a time and not worry that my house isnt up to my standards and that my laundry will sit clean and folded in the basket for a week or two (AS LONG AS ITS FOLDED ITS OK WITH ME)  and that chicken nuggets and a veggie for dinner saves me when I didnt have time to cook in the morning- adjustments, adjustments, adjustments.........

Oh yea this is tonys child through and through!!!

Long weekend-

Stayed home with Hayden on Monday because he was sick with a nasty cold- been going around here a lot lately around base. I am glad it was just a cold and not something worse- lots of buggers and coughing. He seemed to be doing a lot better yesterday and went to school to play with all of his friends. Teachers said that he had a great day (ALWAYS A PLUS).
News from Tony yesterday- he got asked personally to be the admin assistant for the Senior Chief and 2 other Chiefs on the boat/Medical Department- ALWAYS great when the higher ups notice you are a good hard worker. I am really missing him right about now- Said that once his boat ports out of San Diego he wont be able to Skype us because the boats computers and broad band is not really capable of it- but he said the second that he hits a port he will rush to an internet cafe.
I am very proud of myself for getting out and starting a jogging group with other military wives- we are actually haveing a great time and burning lots of calories in the process-  Its a great motivator for all of us and holds us really accountable. Hoping we all see awesome results :)

Hayden is still asleep- its 815am and he is stilll asleep---- holy moly- this never happens :) must have been tuckered out. Well i am ogg to start breakfast and get out of the door for a nice little walk with the gals :)

beyond exhausted

Yesterday I did a little retail therapy at the mall and found a few cute things to add to my collection- this was in between the fits, screaming, and running away that my child attempted. He is such a great kid when we are not around people it seems.  Then came home from the mall and had food poisoning and threw up all evening- while Hayden stood over me looking in the toilet saying cacka!  We both called it an early night and went to bed around 830 on the couch. Hayden must have had a rough night cuz he made his way into my bedroom with his blanket sometime in the middle of the night- and then fussed all night crying and tossing and turning- didn't feel warm so not sure what that was about.
This morning went smooth- took a nice long shower, made a great breakfast, and even decided to finally put the laundry away after a few weeks of procrastination. Had to spank Hayden in between hanging clothes up because he was on the kitchen counter crawling around again- he doesn' t seem to mind the spankings and constant removal. Then to top it all off he hung up the phone on his grandma and then put the home phone in the toilet- yea we don't have a working home phone anymore- Thats more money I have to go spend and a trip to the store that will be put off because of his constant fits today. He is persisting to throw himself on the ground when something isn't going his way- like me or the dog being in his way he throws himself on the ground and screams- I have learned to ignore it and let him lay there on the ground. BOY ITS GOING TO BE A LONG DAY!!!

Life Changing Decisions

So last night I had a total change of heart and kind of had a "BIG GIRL MOMENT". I decided that if i got the job that I interviewed for yesterday that I would put off going to Nursing School so that my family could be together. By this I mean that I would be able to stay with tony when we transfer instead of being stuck in school while he left. I didnt think it would be fair to him to be away from his son because I wanted to be selfish and put my career first. SO after thinking, I decided that Nursing School will always be there, classes can always be retaken, and taking a Lead Position for the Government looks damn good on a resume!!! I got the official phone call this morning- I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a full time spot with benefits, paid vacation, paid sick days, and a raise of 3 bucks an hour (I AM WAY OK WITH THAT!!!). It will take some getting used to schedule wise but I really believe that it will be a great decision for my mini family. Tony was very happy for me and said that I should follow where my heart tells me to go- as did my mom and mother in law!!! Guess growing up throws you some interesting directions.
Went on a run this morning (NO DOGS), the weather is beautiful out there minus the 5mph wind that I had to run against *WHICH SUCKED*. Emily and I kicked butt though with 3 miles at a 10.4 min/mile average. I also started a fitness group on facebook called "Love Handle Relief Group" so that all my friends and family can brag, vent, get advice, get encouragement, and post their fitness activites on there- its a safe place, and a motivation spot for everyone to go to. I think it will be a great thing. Also, I have another friend starting to jog with us come monday- I am really enjoying the motivation factor that I have been bringing- really never thought fitness would be a big part of my life- GUESS THINGS CHANGE!!! Well thats it for me today :)

Interview & First night alone

Last night was the first night that Hayden and I spent alone.... We got to Skype daddy last night before bed and it broke my heart. Daddy said "Bye bubba" and Hayden started tearing up and then started full on crying. It only got worse when we closed the screen and Hayden was screaming "dada  dada dadda!!!" I just held him while we both bawled our eyes out. It really is awful not being able to comfort your baby with the 1 thing that he wants. It will be a big adjustment not getting his daddy time while mommy is at work.  He walked around all morning asking for DADDA- and I just have to reply "daddy is on the ship he will be home soon!"
This morning was my interview for the Lead position at work- I went into the interview being impartial to wanting the job and not wanting the job- I am totally content being at the teen center and love the program that we have built as a team, not to mention the kids and the flexibility that the job has to offer.  I think I nailed the interview and got a great vibe from it when I left- just wish that the Nursing School Acceptance letter would get here already so that I could have made my own final decision sooner. We will see where the road takes me.  But if I do get the job my income would go from 1200 to 2400 a month HUGE JUMP!!!. 
I just wanted to say thank you to all my friends and family who have been there for me and will continue to be there for me through this journey- and to my co- workers who deal with my OCD busy work that I am doing to make it through the deployment faster. 
Today I am cleaning the house top to bottom- already vacuumed and shampooed the carpet- next steam mop the floors probably- we will see where the motivation takes me......... 
PS I am loving this sunshine and 75 degree weather that we are getting today!!! 

Hayden Moments- Here are the UGH or Funny Moments with Hayden

3/9- Hayden broke into the bathroom while I was in the living room. Came around the corner with the Plunger saying "Momma CACKA CACKA CACKA" Thank you baby for bringing me this nasty thing-

The GoodBye

Today is the first time that we have been apart as a family- and saying good bye was prob the hardest thing I had to work up to do. It will be a real big adjustment having to only cook for 2, do laundry for 2, shop for 2, and since that 2^nd person cant really carry on a conversation will be a lot quieter here when we are home.  It will be different that’s for sure. I don’t want to put laundry away cuz it will be the last bit of laundry of Tony's I will be putting away for a long while .I have been breaking down on and off today- and prob will be better once this week moves forward (or so I hope). Thank god for great family and friends!!!!!!

Today Emily and I went running- was a beautiful day for a run and look forward to many more before it gets too hot outside.  We made great time and did increments of run and walk- made it 3.4 miles with an average of 10.34 min miles (ROCKING!!!).  I am trying hard to beat my last 5K time of 34 minutes. Next 5K run is April 9th. Hayden passed out on the run and is still sleeping now.  I think I might of killed the dogs too they are passed out in the sun that is shining on the floor in the computer room.